Aren’t we a rag-tag band of fellows? All we want is to seek holiness and yet fear and cynicism keeps creeping in at the edges.

One fears the curse of mental illness has finally gripped her mind.

One fears her husband loves his bank account more than her.

Another runs away fast against alcoholism.

We all fear that fate would deal our children the blow of the things we fear most.

Some seek the answers in books

Some try to find health and wealth at the gym

Others remove foods, add foods, vitamins… anything that will soothe the gnawing ache in our soul

We all want to just take a pill to fix it (from time to time.)

One rages against “the system” … were we to find and promote the right leaders, would we be saved?

I curl up tight in bed…(a caterpillar trying the best defensive position.)

The world rages

The church is polluted

Believers crumble

People compromise

We ignore our children

People die…

We groan

We wail

I wail

I beat my fist against the sky

Why?

Hope is crushed

Hope, so crucial

We shy away from hands that would help..

hands that would comfort

They have tried to stone us before

We recoil, lest we be judged

God judges me

I cannot stand for you to judge me too

His eyes, they burn into me

Burn into my soul

I have reached for hands that would help me out of this pit

The world, it sticks to me

I press into God and yet the stench of the world remains

Those hands, the ones who also seek holiness

They only throw dirt upon my despair

And yet, I fight on… press on

God is my portion, my deliverer

I want to finish well

I want to finish strong

Even if I am carried at the end

Are we not all carried at the end?

I want to leave a legacy of surrender

God I surrender to you and you alone