In the spring of 2020, I had recently accepted a women’s ministry position at my church. More importantly, I responded to a call to women’s ministry in a new way. Till then, I had been serving in leadership for many years for another women’s ministry leader. This background role was what I needed for that hard season of my life.

My friend, Tanya, was responding to the call on her life and teaching bible study every week. Each week, I listened to her talk. The best part about her study was it served women without asking them to serve. It was place they could walk in, sit down, and receive. Women, in general, were overburdened. We are wives and mothers, employees and business owners. We volunteer and keep the house. We are spinning too many plates. The Proverbs 31 woman is making us all look bad.

Tanya’s study provided a place for ladies to sit and rest and be fed. For years, I ate the manna God fed me from her hand. Then God called me out. He asked me to gather up my own manna and feed some other women. I had no idea that the world would shut down and my only way to reach my ladies was through technology.

I accepted the nomination for women’s ministry at my church thinking I would organize social events, support the bible study teachers, get women plugged into a discipleship group… maybe lead a group of my own. This role felt familiar. I felt confident this was something I could do. I mean, this is what I had done for Tanya.

God had other plans.

I felt like the prophet Jeremiah pregnant with a message that a wicked king would ultimately cut up and burn. The king sat and sliced Jeremiah’s words with a knife and dropped them into the fire pot. But Jeremiah was determined. He said: “[God’s] word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” (Jeremiah 20:9)

The spring the world was gripped with fear of infectious disease, I began to put my words on “paper.” I had no clue what God would do with it. Honestly, I didn’t think it was any of my business. If God asked me to write down the words, I needed to obey. If my words ended up in the shredder or the fireplace, then that was God’s business.

Women were hungry. They were afraid. Much like people who lived in the ancient world faced with uncertainty, we were faced with the unknown. We were isolated. We were searching for answers.

I opened my bible and my computer. I pulled out the years of research I had been doing for my own personal study. The topic: idolatry of the heart. I had been reading about the time when the kingdom of Israel was divided.

I likened the Kingdom of Israel to the kingdom of our own hearts. It was divided. Our hearts are divided. The people of God battled idolatry. We battle idolatry.

It seems silly to be writing about idolatry during a world-wide shut down. But isn’t that when it becomes real? Isn’t that when our idols become obvious. Everything is stripped down to the simplicity of home. When we slow down, we are faced with our own personal “demons.” We tend to believe that idols are “out there.” When, in reality, the idols are “in here.” 

What are idols but the figment of our own imagination? What are idols but the thing we have fabricated with our own hands? If we make a person (celebrity or otherwise) an idol, we have done the “making.” We are responsible for lifting that person up and making them our god. We print out their images, post them on our wall, and devour every morsel of news about them.

In 2020, many of the things that comforted and distracted us were taken away. We faced our own idolatry and the condition of our own divided heart. We went to the ONE who unites our hearts and reaffirmed our devotion to him.

Here we are today, and my words are on literal paper.